Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mother's Day

For me Mother's Day was pretty retrospective. I thought about the last four years that I have been a mother and how much joy it has brought to me. I thought about how much I have learned along the way, about being a mom, and about autism. Somewhere in a dark quadrant of mind I also began to think about what I would do differently if I could do it all again. I was thinking that just maybe, if the me now could go back in time, maybe I could save my son from classical autism.


Of course that was the point where I had to tell myself to just snap out of it. Guilt is just something us moms do to ourselves, but why? I have no way of knowing if doing anything differently would have made a difference. I don't know what it was that tipped him into autism. It was likely lots of things. Except for the protection of possible future siblings of his, I need to learn to not think about what I would have done differently.


What does matter: That I do what I can to help my son now.

I will remind myself of that when I groan to myself over supplement time, or when I am running across town to the natural foods store to get the gluten free pasta mix to make the dish that he loves. Or perhaps when he comes to me at the end of a frustrating day with his blanket in tow saying "mom, mom, mom" and curls up in my lap.

My son is so sweet and I love him and all the happiness he brings to his dad and I. Every progress he makes is monumental to us, and progress keeps coming and coming!

We will do everything we can for you son, and we are excited to grow with you and someday see the man that you grow up to be!

Happy belated Mother's Day to all you moms out there.


Glitzer said...

Your post really touched me. I had a colleague who's son has autism as well. Her son is now 7. I remember my colleague is always very frustrated and always ask why she has been tasked to care for an autism child. Her son is the most adorable and sweetest kid around. I learnt more about autism as my mum is a psychologist. The greatest thing I have learnt is they have the sweetest personality and all of them have a talent, which takes time to discover! There will come a time I will be a mother too... and these feelings of caring for your own child is the greatest to have! Happy Mother's Day to you!

SleightGirl said...

Happy mother's day! And keep up the great work you're doing!

Blissful Blooms Paper said...

Your little one is adorable!!! :)

Jen said...

I love that you are looking ahead instead of dwelling on what could have been. Thanks for sharing that perspective. We all are guilty of that at one time or another! Happy Mother's Day to you, too! Sounds like you have one lucky son to have such amazing parents!
-Sedona Shots

Celeste Jean said...

Thank you for your support Glitzer, SleightGirl, Blissful Blooms Paper, and Jen. :)

Wires n Pliers said...

Happy Belated Mom's day to you Celeste. Thanks for sharing. O like your blog. You have very interesting posts.

Melina and Denise said...

It is a beautiful thing that you are so committed to your son, and natural that you feel an unwarranted guilt. Our sister is mentally handicapped and her mom has often questioned her own actions during pregnancy though there is nothing that could have made things different. It only speaks of how much you love your son.

Keep fighting!!